Episode 136: Nicola Hogan – What We Communicate Before We Touch
The Language of Touch: Nicola Hogan on Communication, Boundaries and What Clients Hear Before We Touch
What do clients learn about us before they even get on the table?
In massage therapy, we often talk about hands, technique, pressure, assessment and outcomes. All of that has its place. But the client experience starts earlier than the first contact of hand on skin. It starts in the words on our website, the way our booking process feels, the tone of our emails, the warmth of the room, the questions we ask, and the things we notice without rushing to interpret them.
In this episode of Folding Towels, David and Jackie spoke with remedial massage therapist Nicola Hogan about what she calls “beneath the touch”: the stories, expectations, biases, physical cues, emotional disclosures and professional boundaries that sit underneath the hands-on work.
Nicola brings more than 20 years of experience across clinical practice, corporate wellness, aged care and private practice. Her interest in communication has grown through those years, but it did not start in the treatment room. It started earlier, in hospitality, learning to read people, remember small details, manage expectations and make people feel looked after.
Massage is touch, yes. But it is also language: written, spoken and unspoken.
From hospitality to the treatment room
Nicola began working in hospitality at 15, in a cafe. She loved the pace, the music, the buzz of cafe culture and the rhythm of making coffee. She also developed a sharp memory for people and their preferences.
She laughed that she might forget someone’s name, but still remember, “you’re a flat white.”
That kind of detail followed her into massage. In hospitality, remembering someone’s order is part service, part relationship. In massage, the same principle shows up differently. A client may prefer a high pillow, an extra blanket, particular music, no head massage, no foot work, or quiet time on the table. Remembering those preferences communicates care before a therapist has said much at all. It is not about being fancy. It is about showing that the person in front of you is not just the next body on the table.
Nicola’s hospitality background also taught her to problem-solve quickly, communicate under pressure, and manage people. Later, when she opened her own clinic and had staff, those skills became part of how she ran a business. The café and wine bar years were not a detour. They helped shape the therapist she became.
Massage therapists sometimes separate “clinical skill” from “client care”, as if one is serious and the other is decorative. This conversation challenged that split. Rapport, timing, expectation-setting and attention to detail are part of how a treatment lands.
What sits beneath the touch
When David asked Nicola what she meant by “beneath the touch”, she described all the things that are not the technique, the modality or the act of doing massage.
It is the client’s expectations. Their stories about their body. Their previous experiences with massage or other treatments. Their belief about an injury. Their day before they walked in. Maybe they had a fight with their boss, got stuck in traffic, or arrived already stressed and guarded.
It is also what the therapist brings in: assumptions, patterns, preferences, biases and treatment plans.
Nicola was clear that therapists are generally non-judgemental, but we are still human. Every now and then, our assumptions get challenged. We can have preconceived ideas about a client without saying anything out loud. Those assumptions can still shape the session.
This is where the idea becomes clinically useful. If a therapist becomes too fixed on the plan, they may miss what is happening in front of them.
Nicola gave the example of a client with chronic pain from a whiplash injury. Perhaps the therapist has assessed them, worked out a treatment approach, and developed a plan across several sessions. That plan might be appropriate. But if the client arrives one week after a difficult, stressful few days, their body may not respond well to the same approach that worked last time.
If the therapist goes in determined to “nail every trigger point”, they may miss the client’s actual need that day. The better treatment might be gentler, slower and more soothing.
Assessment is useful, some would argue essential, however it should not blindfold the therapist to what is right in front of them.
Asking what the client needs today
Therapists should be assessing, planning and keeping a history, however they need to ask the question “What are your priorities today?” Our clients needs might actually be different that day. Sometimes the answer is nowhere near where the therapist was about to go.
A client may describe their hip, back and shoulder, then say they mainly want their feet and calves worked on. That is not a failure of assessment. It is the point of actually asking.
Nicola described the difference between listening and actually hearing. A therapist might hear a client say they want scalp, neck, feet or calves worked on, but still keep running their own treatment script internally. The result is familiar to many therapists who have been on the other side of the table: the requested area gets two rushed minutes at the end.
That is not a bad massage in every respect. It may even be technically good. But the client did not receive what they asked for.
Professionalism starts before the appointment
The conversation then moved from the treatment room to the touchpoints before treatment: website copy, booking systems, confirmation emails, policies, arrival instructions and the general tone of communication.
Nicola’s answer was direct. Therapists often communicate their professionalism, or lack of it, before the client arrives.
A polished website can create confidence, but the real-life experience has to match. Nicola shared a past massage experience where the online presence looked strong. The booking was smooth, the confirmation came through, and the therapist’s bio suggested experience. She arrived early, as instructed, only to receive a text shortly before the appointment saying the therapist was still on the way and that she could wait outside if the door was locked.
She ended up waiting outside on a cold concrete bench, then watched the therapist arrive late, open the clinic, and take several trips to set up before the session could begin. There was no meaningful apology. The treatment eventually went ahead, but the experience had already been shaped.
By the time Nicola got on the table, she felt agitated, not settled. The rushing and lack of preparation had set the tone.
That story is uncomfortable because it is easy to imagine how small lapses can compound. Being late can happen. Life happens. But when lateness is paired with no apology, no warmth, no preparation and no acknowledgement of the client’s time, it changes the whole treatment experience.
Professionalism is not only qualifications, modalities or branding. It is whether the room is ready. Whether the client feels expected. Whether policies sound firm without sounding cold. Whether reminders are clear. Whether the tone of the practice matches the service being promised.
Massage therapists work in a field where clients undress, disclose, relax, feel vulnerable and hand over trust. The pre-treatment communication needs to support that reality.
Listening to the body without overclaiming
On the table, communication becomes more subtle.
Nicola spoke about noticing physical cues such as tummy gurgles, toe curling, finger curling, breath changes, guarding, skin flushing and goosebumps. These cues can give useful feedback about how the client is responding.
A tummy gurgle may simply mean the client is hungry or digesting. It can also be framed gently as the body settling into rest and digest. Toe curling or a sharp inhale may suggest an area is sensitive or the pressure needs checking. A deeper exhale may suggest the client is softening. Goosebumps may show up when the touch feels particularly pleasant or settling.
The point is not to turn every physical response into a dramatic interpretation. Nicola and the hosts kept this grounded. The body gives feedback, but it does not hand us a complete story.
Sometimes the appropriate response is simply to ask: “How is that feeling?” or “Would you like me to spend a bit more time here?”
Some clients enjoy dialogue throughout a treatment. Others want almost no conversation. Nicola has clients who make it clear: this is what we are working on, no talking, let me zone out. In those sessions, non-verbal cues become even more useful.
Confidence helps here. Newer therapists may feel unsure about asking questions, especially if they worry about interrupting the client’s relaxation or exposing uncertainty. But asking well is not a weakness. It is part of consent, pacing and responsiveness.
The skill is to slow down, notice, stay curious and avoid pretending we know more than we do.
When clients talk, and when we need a boundary
Massage therapists often become safe people for clients. The room is quiet. The client is being cared for. They may feel comfortable enough to share personal, emotional or difficult parts of their life.
Nicola has heard many stories over her career. Her advice was clear: we have to remember our scope. “We are massage therapists. We are not counsellors.”
That does not mean being cold. It means being grounded.
A therapist can acknowledge what has been said without inviting more. Phrases such as “That sounds really hard” or “It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now” can recognise the client’s experience without turning the massage into counselling.
If a client keeps circling into distress, Nicola suggested bringing the client’s awareness back to the body. For example, while working through the glutes, a therapist might say, “Let’s bring your awareness back here. Take a couple of breaths and feel where we’re working.”
There are times when referral language is needed. Nicola mentioned asking whether a client is currently working with a counsellor or therapist, or saying that it sounds like they may benefit from speaking with someone. This can feel difficult, especially for newer therapists who want to help, keep clients happy and avoid losing them. But scope is not optional just because the client trusts us.
Nicola also recommended mental health first aid training as a useful addition alongside standard first aid requirements. Not so therapists can become mental health professionals, but so they have clearer awareness and language when a client is struggling.
Being present does not mean absorbing everything. It means staying human, staying professional and knowing where the edge of our role sits.
Boundaries, burnout and the therapist’s own clarity
The later part of the conversation moved into mentoring, boundaries and sustainability.
Nicola spoke openly about a previous business phase where she ran “Stressless Bodyworks” with three treatment rooms, staff, and long opening hours. The business was thriving, but she was stressed, burnt out, managing young children, doing the physical work, managing staff and wearing all the hats.
She described replying to messages while breastfeeding her newborn. Looking back, she could see how poor boundaries and the need to control everything pushed her towards burnout.
Her mentoring now often focuses on communication, identity and sustainability. Many therapists qualify with reasonable confidence in their hands-on skills, but still struggle to name who they are as practitioners, how they want to work, who they enjoy working with, and how to communicate that clearly.
Nicola is not interested in pushing every therapist towards a six or seven figure business. Her mentoring is more kitchen-table than hustle-culture. It is about helping therapists enjoy their work and make it sustainable over time.
Boundaries, in her view, begin with clarity.
Who are you as a therapist? How do you want to work? Where do you want to work? How many hours do you want to work? What do you need financially? How do you want to feel when you are working with clients?
Those are not abstract branding questions. They shape hours, pricing, marketing, referrals, client fit, communication and career longevity.
Not every client has to fit your practice. Sometimes the best professional move is to refer them to someone whose availability, style or preferences suit them better.
Nicola also noted that employed and contracted therapists may have less control over scheduling and client type, but they can still have conversations with clinic owners about the work they want to do more of. If the workplace cannot support that direction, it may be worth asking whether it is still the right fit.
The work we do, and the way we keep doing it
Nicola’s current clinical work is largely with people over the age of 45, with many clients in their 60s and 70s who want to keep active, swim, move well and enjoy their lives. Her experience in aged care has given her a strong appreciation for movement, balance and strength across later life.
She talks with clients about movement, balance, sit-to-stand capacity and staying active in ways they enjoy. Massage is part of the picture, but not the whole picture.
She is also writing a book, drawing on her many years of massage stories and the learning inside them. Alongside that, she writes Beneath the Touch, her Substack exploring the deeper stories and reflections of massage practice.
That feels like a natural extension of this whole conversation. The language of touch is not only what happens in the room. It is also how therapists make sense of the work afterwards, how we tell the truth about practice, and how we share what we have learned without pretending the job is simpler than it is.
Massage therapy asks us to use our hands, but it also asks us to listen, adjust, notice, communicate, refer, apologise when needed, hold boundaries and keep learning who we are as practitioners.
Technique is only one part of the treatment. The rest is carried in the language around it.
You can learn more about Nicola Hogan at https://nicolahoganmassage.com/ and read her Substack, Beneath the Touch, at https://beneaththetouch.substack.com/.
Listen to the full conversation with Nicola Hogan on Folding Towels, and if it gives you something useful for your own practice, subscribe, leave a review, or share the episode with another therapist.